Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Bangalore introduced me to a few things, including software engineers. When I shifted shores from Delhi to join a global management consulting and technology services company in Bangalore, my parents saw a beacon of hope. I was 27, single and ready to do some mingling.

I settled well in the new city, enjoying the abundance of Vada-Sambar and Puliyogare rice. Not to mention the take away Mutton Rolls from Lazeez whenever I went shopping on Commercial Street.


But the only mingling I did was with my elderly neighbors to get the scoop about the best places to eat “South Indian” food. Or at work with my team which was somewhat a motley crew. We soon formed a group of foodies, who would go out on late night Shawarma jaunts. And embrace each other’s cuisines with wide open mouths during lunch at work.

I had failed my parents yet again. My Mother tried to blackmail me. Again. Since long distance did not work, she came down with bag and baggage and the Times Matrimonials page in her hand.

She had already marked a few prospective grooms who had advertized in that Sunday’s matrimonial page. The keywords were “Bengali” and “Bangalore”.

For the next few days the phone, the Sunday Times of India, a pen and her glasses became her best pals. In the evenings, when I was back from work, she would make me type out inane emails to “boys” who had given out email addresses in their four-line sales pitch.

A meeting was organized with couple of prospective grooms who seemed pretty eager to fit into my Mum’s plan of having them over for coffee in my apartment over the coming weekends.

I am not exaggerating when I say I was aloof and completely disinterested about this very exciting thing happening in my life. One such particular Prospect was to come to meet us on Saturday at 6 PM. My enthusiastic Mum got mishti from outside and began doing prep work for some prawn pakoras. I was to make coffee.

The Prospect arrived pretty much on time, which was a promising sign to begin this outrageously dramatic evening. I noticed he was fumbling on the decision to do a traditional nomoshkar by folding his hands or shake hands with my Mum when she opened the door for him. In the end he couldn’t make up his mind in the five seconds he had, so he let his left hand scratch his right.

I was very amused.

All three of us were seated and the only person talking was of course my Mother. The Prospect worked in a big IT company, and had recently returned from the US of A where he did his PhD. Good catch, eh?

In the middle of his one-way conversation with my Mum, I saw him sneaking glances at my books and CDs.

My Mother went to the kitchen to deep fry her prawn pakoras. This was her plan to let The Prospect and me talk. Very clever, Mommy. All that was heard was the chaak-chuk coming from the kitchen and a stony silence between The Prospect and me.

A hearty spread of evening “snacks” was served, including my Mum’s prawn pakoras. Now let me give you an important piece of information about my Bangalore apartment. I had all my furniture in cane and rattan. Looked pretty dainty and my domestic help could move them around to scrub the floors neatly.



I don’t blame Bengali bachelors living away from their over indulgent Mothers jumping on the sight of food. But what The Prospect did next was blasphemous. He picked up a HOT prawn pakora with his HAND and put it in his mouth, muffling my Mum’s cry of “Careful, its hot!”.

In between gulping the hot pakora down and opening his mouth wiiiiide to nurse the scald, the Prospect ignored the bunch of paper napkins kept on the coffee table and wiped his oily fingers on the sides of the rattan chair he was seated on.

Now such things never miss a house cleaning freak like me. I marched to the kitchen, brought out a kitchen towel, sprayed it with some cleaning slash disinfecting agent, muttered a terse “excuse me” and rubbed the oil spot on the armrest of the rattan chair.

My Mum had an I-am-not-surprised look on her face. The Prospect was trying to ignore what I was doing by looking away.

The remaining evening was spent in an awkward silence with only the sound of The Prospect chomping on the pakoras and the mishti.

My Mum signaled me to get the coffee to end the evening quickly. Now I make a special coffee. Equal quantities of Nescafé and sugar beaten with drops of water till the coffee granules and sugar melt and turn into a creamy, fluffy, light brown mixture. IMG_0465
Then I pour hot milk and water (half and half) onto the beaten coffee and sugar. The result is a rich, creamy, frothy cup of bliss.

IMG_0468 IMG_0474

You will agree that having a good life is all about finding the right balance. My next move made sure that The Prospect found that balance in a cup of coffee. I warmed the milk just mildly and mixed it with cold water and poured it over the already prepared coffee-sugar mixture. He was nursing an already burnt mouth, I knew he couldn’t handle a hot cup of fine coffee. I also made sure the skin of the milk was floating in his cup.

The rest of the two cups for my Mum and me had the right temperature of milk and water!

IMG_0469 IMG_0472 IMG_0473
“How is the coffee?” my Mother asked as The Prospect took his first sip. He looked at me and grumpily said, “khoob bhalo”. Meaning, ask your daughter.

I shot him a 400-watt smile.


GB said...

:D!! Luckily I escaped the groom-viewing tamasha altogether, when I brought home the boy!! My mom was pleased and scandalized in equal parts!! I have a hankering for good ol nescafe!!

Kamini said...

My cousin sis and I used to make coffee just like that...whip the nescafe and sugar with water till creamy, then add hot milk. Your stories are too funny...this one, and the singing teacher one! Fortunately I too escaped the groom-viewing husband met me when I was 16, and pursued me doggedly till I said "I do" when I turned 19!!!

Payal Bhattacharya said...

Haa Haa!! I really enjoyed the reading for sure :)...the roll looked yummy :D...Makes me feel to make this weekend!

Jay said...

Lovely post with fascinating clicks...:)

Suman Singh said...

thats really hilarious..very well written and enjoyed reading it till the was like I am reading chetan bhagat books in short..:)

Jaya said...

I keep smiling reading it ..oh! God TOI matri ..mane sotti tumar O eyi bapar ..hain last e ki holo..tumi hain boleche ki bolo ?
your Bangalore home reminds me of our Delhi home--sob furniture betein'er chilo even dining table O LOL..
love those rolls and some coffe..bishon shondor likhecho..
hugs and smiles

Hrish Thota said...

u meanie u :P bechara that guy ;) but miss the wonderful food you always made :)

PreeOccupied said...

GB, sending a virtual cuppa your way. Just to soothe that croaky throat.

Kamini, I have to interview you. I am writing a book on cute love stories.

Payal, That roll photo is from the internet, hyperlinked to its original post.

Jay, thanks again.

Suman, Thanks. That's huge. Am nowhere near him. But I have good words only for his first book. The second one was a duh!

Jaya, I love cane. My Delhi home had a pizza-shaped dining table too. All this when I was single. And no, I am not married to The Prospect. My husband who I met a couple of years later is the greatest catch! ;-)

Hrish, shut up. :-))

popsie said...

Your house indeed reflects good taste, PP! Bechara prospect! :P :)

the-mommie said...

lol! that was a fun(ny) read. I've seen multiple matrimonial ad-based interviews happening in my home for various relatives, cousins, buas et all. There was this one time when my aunt made a poor chap stand next to the wall to mark off his height 'coz she was sure her daughter (my cousin) was taller!! It was utterly hilarious! Thankfully, I didn't have to go through any of that 'coz I was happily hooked and booked well before matri-ads time! :)

you should also do a post on how u met the hubby.. bet that's as interesting a story.

Pinku said...

awesome nice post...

though to tell the truth am craving now for the prawn pakoras and the coffee...

notyet100 said...

enjoyed ,,,:-)

Anonymous said...

I´ve just burst out laughing from behind my computer in the office. Everyone is looking at me strangely.

pubali said...

I just loved reading your post. Do keep writing and cooking :)

Sharbani Pal said...

Ha Ha Ha Pree... i can imagine, i also had similar kind of many exprience. I am from delhi(Malviya Nagar) and finaly land up in Bangalore (Indira Nagar) after marriage.I can easily relate my self with all those places which is u mention in ur post...:-))

Bong Mom said...

this is way too funny. ROFL..Aaaj mera ekdum happy, happy day ban gaya, "prospective" tera muh kala

Cocoawind said...

hahahaha.. my favorite part was when you scrubbed the oil off the chair.. hahahaha!

Chandrani said...

Lovely post, pree..

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